


Yesterday

by witchchester



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e03 The Searchers, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Tsunami (9-1-1), Tsunami (9-1-1 TV), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29967015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchchester/pseuds/witchchester
Summary: Eddie still couldn’t wrap his head around his boys being at the beach during the tsunami. Buck said they were going out, but the Santa Monica Pier was one choice out of thousands. The likelihood of them being there had been incredibly low, so Eddie hadn’t worried about it.He should’ve.The entire day, he thought they were perfectly safe. He never would’ve guessed they were outside, fighting for their lives indifferentplaces. The idea of both of them out there, scared and alone, desperate to find each other…It left him breathless in the worst way.—Or the one where Buck doesn't answer his phone the morning after the tsunami, and Eddie decides to go to his apartment uninvited. Alternate ending to 3x03.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 10
Kudos: 396
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> I loved the ending scene of 3x03, but that didn't stop me from wanting more. This is my take. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. I appreciate you.

Without an invitation, Eddie opened the door, silently making his way into Buck’s apartment.

In his defense, he tried calling. Multiple times. He knew Buck was most likely asleep, but after what happened, he needed to make sure he was okay.

Well— Okay wasn’t the best word. Buck was doubtfully okay. _Alive_ fit better.

He still couldn’t wrap his head around his boys being at the beach during the tsunami. Buck said they were going out, but the Santa Monica Pier was one choice out of thousands. The likelihood of them being there had been incredibly low, so Eddie hadn’t worried about it.

He should’ve.

The entire day, he thought they were perfectly safe. He never would’ve guessed they were outside, fighting for their lives in _different_ places. The idea of both of them out there, scared and alone, desperate to find each other…

It left him breathless in the worst way. Neither of them deserved to be in that kind of situation. Not Buck, who already felt like he lost everything after getting _crushed_ by a firetruck. And definitely not Chris, who always had a smile on his face, and was still too young to understand all the awfulness around them.

Eddie knew the memories of last night would stay with him forever. He would never forget the tears and messy streaks of red staining Buck’s face as he tried to explain the unexplainable. He would never forget the relief he felt when he realized his son was safe, nor the wave of terror that came when his boyfriend collapsed into their teammates’ arms.

Eddie hadn’t seen Buck since. He’d wanted to stay while they treated him, but his kid came first and Christopher had been desperate to go home. He trusted Bobby, Hen, and Chim to keep Buck safe. They loved him too, and they assured him Maddie was on the way.

He’d spent the rest of his night taking care of his son. In the morning, Carla offered to watch him for the day. As soon as she arrived, his attention shifted to his boyfriend, who hadn’t picked up any of his calls. Eddie tried his cell a few more times before deciding on a house visit.

As expected, walking in didn’t earn him a response. With a small frown, he moved towards the stairs, looking up into the loft.

Buck appeared to be asleep, but he wasn’t under the covers. He was still wearing the same clothes he’d been in last night. Who took him home? Why didn’t they make sure he was at least comfortable before they left?

Anger threatened to flood his veins, but Eddie kept it from entering his system. Knowing Buck, he probably pushed whoever it was straight out the door. He hated receiving help, even when it was necessary.

Not wanting to startle Buck out of his sleep, Eddie slowly made his way up the stairs. When he was close enough, he sat down on the edge of the bed, then brought a gentle hand to Buck’s shoulder.

The small touch was all it took. With a pained flinch, Buck’s eyes flew open.

“Woah, Buck—” Eddie murmured, lightly squeezing his shoulder.

Buck turned his head, his confused (and _scared_ ) gaze finding his. Eddie was somewhat taken back, but he did his best to hide his reaction.

“It’s just me, baby. It’s just me.”

It took Buck a moment to catch up. Once he realized who was talking to him, some of the tension seeped away. “Sorry.” He apologized as if it was something he needed to feel sorry about. Eddie was the one who barged in unannounced.

“No, I’m sorry,” Eddie countered softly. Moving his hand, he brushed his fingers carefully through Buck’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

Out of every possible reaction, Buck freezing up had to be the one Eddie least expected. It was almost like the touch burned him. He didn’t know if he hurt him or if it was something else entirely, but the cause didn’t matter. Eddie’s response was just as fast. He stopped, his concern deepening as he let his arm fall.

Buck glanced away, his voice somehow becoming even smaller. “I’m fine.” His words might’ve meant something if they weren’t followed by a choked-off sound of discomfort. Buck lifted his hand, letting it hover near his throat.

It took Eddie a moment to connect the dots. When he finally did, his stomach dropped.

According to Chris, the two had been separated for most of the day. Buck must’ve been calling his name, but the events surrounding the tsunami were anything but quiet. He would’ve had to yell the entire time.

Every time Eddie thought the situation couldn’t get worse, it did. What else didn’t he know?

“Yeah, you sound fine,” Eddie countered, no real malice present. He only fondly rolled his eyes before moving to stand properly. “Think you can make it to the shower?” Dragging Buck downstairs and into his cramped bathroom wouldn’t be enjoyable, but he considered it a necessary evil. His clothes were torn and bloody, and Eddie didn’t even know if it was Buck’s blood or someone else’s. He needed to get cleaned up.

Buck glanced at him, giving him a look that clearly showed he was against the idea. “Come on,” Eddie encouraged with a tiny smile. “You’ll feel a lot better.” A fresh t-shirt and a pair of soft pajama pants would be a lot cozier than his current attire.

Changing also meant Eddie could throw the old clothes away. He doubted either of them ever wanted to see the outfit again. Not only was it destroyed beyond repair, but it held way too many rotten memories.

With a low sigh, Buck nodded. Eddie held out his hand, but his boyfriend didn’t take it at first. He instead tried using the bed as leverage, but it wasn’t enough to support his wobbling legs. Once he realized it wouldn’t work, he reluctantly grabbed Eddie’s hand, barely holding on as he got up.

Eddie couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so against them touching. Normally, Buck was the one who initiated it. He was starting to think it was something they’d have to talk about, on top of everything else.

Neither of them said another word. Eddie tried not to focus on it. Instead, he put his attention into getting Buck safely down the stairs. Eddie could tell he was trying to hide how much pain he was in. He still didn’t know the whole story, but he saw what the streets looked like. Navigating through them would’ve been tough on _anyone_ , regardless of their level of strength.

When they got to the bottom, Buck started swaying the moment he let go of the railing. Exhaustion was a reasonable culprit, but Eddie also suspected he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in a while either.

Buck would never admit to it, but he clearly needed help after yesterday’s events. What would’ve happened if Eddie hadn’t come over?

“Can you make it to the bathroom, baby?” Eddie murmured. The couch was only a few feet away. If Buck couldn’t keep going, then they wouldn’t. It was as simple as that. The last thing Eddie wanted to do was end up hurting him even more.

Buck didn’t respond. He just took another step forward. Despite his boyfriend fighting his touches, Eddie let his free hand settle right below his arm. He didn’t want to ignore his wishes, regardless of how much they hurt him, but Buck wasn’t steady. Eddie wouldn’t risk him falling over.

After a few nerve-wracking minutes, they were able to make it to the bathroom without any faults. As soon as he was able to, Eddie guided Buck onto the toilet lid. Looking to the shower, he wondered if standing was the best choice. Not only was Buck covered in dirt and grime, but they would have to work around his injuries. It would take some time, and Eddie wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stand through it.

Kneeling down, Eddie turned on the faucet. Once the water hit Buck’s preferred temperature – something he’d taken the time to memorize – he closed the drain.

While he waited, he turned back to Buck. “Can I help you with your clothes?”

Buck hesitated, but he agreed. “Yeah,” he whispered. He sounded entirely defeated. If Buck wasn’t hurt and set on keeping his distance, Eddie would’ve hugged him and never let him go. But he was, so he disregarded his own desires and worked on removing Buck’s shirt. Buck helped as much as he possibly could, but Eddie did most of the work.

He didn’t mind.

Once it was cleared away, Eddie took off his jeans and boxers. He was almost too careful. His leg was all healed, but he wasn’t one for taking chances. Especially when it came to his loved ones.

By the time Buck was undressed, the tub was just about full. After making sure the temperature was still okay, Eddie turned the faucet off. He then glanced back to his beautiful boyfriend, who was so close to him yet so far away.

They’d known each other for a couple of years, but Eddie still didn’t entirely understand Buck’s mind. All he knew was that it was constantly running, usually broadcasting a playlist better left unplayed.

Whenever Buck was struggling, Eddie wished he could go in and figure out all of his thoughts. That way, he could make a remedy for each one. He was his own worst enemy, created and built up by the shitty people that used to surround him.

Eddie couldn’t understand how so many people were so cruel to him. When his anger got the best of him and he called Buck exhausting, a heavy feeling of guilt resided in him until he apologized.

Buck wasn’t faultless, but he _shined_. So much good existed inside him. Sometimes Eddie wondered if he was even real. How could one person be so bright? If someone needed help, Buck stepped up. If one of his friends was struggling, Buck figured out the best way to comfort them and followed through. He cared so much about everyone and everything.

He was like a candle. Burning big and bright to assist others, but often at his own expense. Yet people still called him selfish.

“We’re going to have to talk about this, but I’m worried about your throat.” Eddie walked back over. “You have tea, don’t you? After we get you cleaned up, I’ll make you some.” He was still concerned about dehydration, so Eddie planned on having him drink something anyway.

A swarm of nervous thoughts suddenly hit him, and Eddie paused. A drink should’ve been at the top of his list. Where was his head?

“Are you thirsty?” Eddie asked. Tea would take a little while, but a cup of water or juice would take seconds.

Buck glanced up, offering another short response. “A little.” Eddie had to block out his sudden desire to scream. It should’ve been the first thing he asked.

Thinking over their options, Eddie quickly decided on a plan. He held his hand out again, waiting until Buck took it before helping him up. No reason for him to sit next to the warm bath while he went to get him something.

“Okay, careful—” he mumbled, mostly to himself as he helped Buck in. Once he was sitting down, Eddie went to walk out, but another important detail had slipped his mind.

Was a bath really the right thing for someone who’d just gone through a _tsunami_? The slight look of distress etched into Buck’s face made him feel like an idiot.

Then again, what other options were there? A shower seemed out of the question. Maybe a sponge bath could’ve worked, but Buck might’ve actually killed him if he suggested one.

Reaching in, Eddie silently opened the drain. The water wasn’t too high, but he figured getting rid of some was the best he could do. Buck’s eyes watched his hand until Eddie closed it again.

“Is this okay? Just tell me if it’s not. I wasn’t… I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, Buck.” All Eddie wanted to do was support him. It seemed like so far, he was only making things more challenging.

Sensing his uncertainty, Buck hesitantly wrapped his hand around Eddie’s wrist. “It’s okay.” He wasn’t saying much, but it was understandable with his throat. The less he said, the better.

Eddie went to kiss his head, but he stopped right before his lips met his tousled hair. Until Buck said he was comfortable with their usual means of affection again, Eddie wouldn’t be participating. Remembering was just… more difficult than he’d thought it be.

“Be right back. Shout if you need me.”

After Buck let go, Eddie stood up, heading straight into the kitchen. Staring into his fridge, his gaze fell on a carton of orange juice. He figured the sugar couldn’t hurt. Once he filled up one of the plastic cups he had for Chris, he stuck a bendy straw in it and headed back into the bathroom.

Buck hadn’t moved, but his eyes were closed. Eddie’s lips curved into a frown. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen him _that_ drained, despite him being around for his recovery after the bombing. It was like the small piece of hope he always carried around with him was suddenly gone.

Eddie would have to have enough hope for the both of them.

“I got you orange juice,” Eddie eventually whispered, kneeling to hand him the cup.

Buck slowly opened his eyes, then carefully took it from him. “Thanks.” He was a little louder than before, but it only made him sound hoarser. Eddie wished he could’ve reached over and kissed his cheek.

As he drank the juice, Eddie grabbed his shampoo and conditioner. Once the cup was empty, he cleaned it out and used it to get Buck’s hair wet. He hadn’t asked him if he wanted to do it himself, but Buck’s eyes were already closed again. Eddie took it as an okay. When it was damp enough, he poured a small amount of shampoo into his hand, then started lathering up Buck’s hair.

Eddie was so concentrated on getting Buck cleaned up that he almost missed him speak. “You don’t have to do this,” he mumbled. Eddie was about to brush him off, but he kept going. “You don’t have to be… nice.”

Eddie stopped, removing his hands from his boyfriend’s soapy scalp. He rinsed them off in the water before sitting back.

Had he heard him correctly? He couldn’t have. Buck had no reason to be asking something like that.

“Buck, why on earth would I be mean to you?” He asked softly, completely baffled. Where was this coming from?

Buck opened his eyes again, his anxiety obvious as he glanced at Eddie. His mind was holding onto something, but Eddie couldn’t figure out what.

“Because I—” A short gasp cut him off, his hand flying back up to his throat.

The amount of concern that hit Eddie was inexpressible. Buck was in so much pain that he couldn’t even describe what was hurting him.

“Let’s wait until after the tea, yeah?” They needed to talk about it, but it could wait a few minutes. If the warm drink didn’t help, they’d use their phones or something. He wouldn’t put Buck through any more discomfort. He’d been through more than enough.

Bringing his hands back to Buck’s head, he went back to cleaning his hair. “Just know I love you,” he added quietly. Considering how often they told each other, Buck had to know, but a reminder couldn’t hurt.

Usually, Buck said it right back. This time, he didn’t say a word. Eddie wanted to believe it was because of his throat, but he knew it ran deeper. Other than a small frown, he didn’t comment on it. He just focused on rinsing Buck’s hair, making sure none of the soap got into his eyes.

* * *

By the time Buck was cleaned off, Eddie had emptied and refilled the bath more than a couple of times. He’d tried to be quick about it, but the dirt was dried to his skin and stuck underneath his fingernails. Washing it away took a while.

He could tell Buck was nervous, but there wasn’t anything Eddie could do. He wished helping him didn’t hurt him too.

Once he was out of the tub, Eddie had him sit back down on the toilet lid. He carefully dried Buck off, then assisted him with putting on his pajamas.

Eddie was hoping by the end, Buck would look a little better. Nothing changed. His boyfriend still looked miserable, and he didn’t know how to fix it. He wasn’t even sure if he _could_ fix it.

After bringing him to the couch and covering him with two blankets, Eddie escaped into the kitchen. Tea wouldn’t solve all of their problems, but it would at least soothe Buck’s overworked throat. While the kettle warmed up, he peeked through the cabinets for something easy on the stomach. He ended up grabbing two pieces of bread and throwing them into the toaster.

Within a few minutes, Eddie had everything prepared. He brought everything into the living room, resting the plate and cup on Buck’s coffee table.

Buck turned his head and gave him a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Eddie attempted to return it, but he knew his came off just as weak. He couldn’t even _pretend_ to be happy when Buck was like this.

Seeing him eat and drink did raise his spirits a little. Eddie was expecting a little pushback, but he didn’t receive any. It should’ve felt like a win, but it only made him more concerned.

Not wanting Buck to feel rushed, Eddie relaxed against the cushions, taking out his phone. He wished they could’ve been talking. So many terrible things had happened within the last few weeks, and each one seemed to strip them of something else.

It wasn’t Buck’s fault in the slightest, but Eddie grieved every loss. Watching his boyfriend lose so many parts of himself was unbearable. It would’ve been so much easier to endure the pain himself.

Instead, Eddie had to watch Buck’s smiles become more and more infrequent. His contagious laugh began making fewer appearances and his passionate ramblings disappeared. His eyes used to light up when their gazes met, but even that vanished.

Eddie had to believe it would all come back someday, but it didn’t make the present any easier. Someone like Buck – selfless, loving, and so brave – didn’t deserve so many dark moments. His life should’ve been full to the brim with happiness, and it just wasn’t.

Eventually, Buck pushed the empty dishes away from him. Eddie immediately put his phone away, sitting up a bit straighter before turning towards him. As long as he could safely get the words out, they needed to finish the conversation they started.

“Did the tea help?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah. Thank you,” he whispered.

For a moment, the room was silent again. Eddie watched him, but Buck kept his gaze down. Almost like he was too ashamed to look at him, but didn’t he know there was absolutely _nothing_ for him to be ashamed about? He hadn’t done a single thing wrong.

“I, um—” Buck started, his attention drifting to his shifting hands. Eddie fought the urge to grab them. “I mean— Come on, Eddie. I lost your son.”

 _Oh_.

Even before he saw Chris, Eddie hadn’t put any of the blame on Buck. It was a natural disaster and he knew his boyfriend. He loved Christopher as much as he did. He wouldn’t have just given up; he would’ve spent every single moment searching for him. They didn’t talk about it, but Buck’s immensely disheveled appearance had been the only confirmation he needed.

Eddie never thought it was a problem because to him, there was nothing to forgive. If anything, he needed to thank Buck for what he did. Not everyone would’ve risked their life for a kid that wasn’t technically theirs.

But Buck didn’t have a healthy relationship with guilt. Even when something couldn’t possibly be his fault, he still took the blame. Eddie hated that his mind did that to him.

“Both of you should hate me,” Buck murmured.

It was Eddie’s turn to completely tense up.

“I hate me.”

Somehow, ‘ _I_ hate _you_ ’ would’ve been far less upsetting to hear. As Eddie stared at him, sadness blossoming through every bone and muscle he had, tears came to his eyes. Buck was barely audible, but Eddie could still tell he meant it. His authenticity wasn’t questionable.

“Evan.” Eddie’s distress became painfully obvious, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. He moved a little closer, but still let Buck have a little space. “Is that why you’re trying to push me away?”

Buck didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. When he looked up, his glassy gaze gave his answer away.

Eddie slowly shook his head, forcing himself to take a deep breath before he continued. “Baby, you’ve got it all wrong.”

Cautiously, he reached his hand forward, taking Buck’s into his. He wasn’t shying away from his touches because he needed space; he felt like he didn’t _deserve_ them. Eddie wouldn’t allow him to feel that way.

A stray tear trickled down Buck’s cheek. Eddie used his free thumb to wipe it away.

“You don’t know everything that happened,” Buck countered quietly. His voice threatened to break at the end.

Eddie’s heart felt like it was going to combust. He shook his head again. “I don’t need to. We can talk about it, but it’s not going to change anything.” If Buck needed someone to listen, then of course Eddie would, but nothing he said would change his mind.

Buck was a hero. _His_ and Chris’s hero.

His boyfriend tried to look away, but Eddie gently turned his chin back towards him. “Hey,” he whispered. “You kept him safe. He’s alive because of you.”

Eddie was trying to read him, but Buck knew how to limit his emotions. It was an automatic process for him— One he’d spent his entire childhood perfecting. They’d been working on improving their communication, but the bombing and the _pulmonary embolism_ and the tsunami had damaged their progress.

Returning to step one didn’t aggravate him; it only made him sad. They’d both been doing so well. Buck wasn’t the only one who hid his feelings. Eddie knew they had the strength to work through it again, but healing wasn’t free and they’d already paid so much.

A small, closed-off sob ripped him from his thoughts. Just as Eddie looked up, Buck’s tears spilled over, his hand retracting and resting against his mouth.

“What—” Eddie began, but Buck cut him off.

“I didn’t even ask about him.”

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t just sit there, watching Buck fall apart for something he didn’t need to feel guilty for. After shutting the distance between them, Eddie gently pulled him into his arms. Buck fought him for a second before giving in, sinking into Eddie’s chest as his emotions spilled out.

Buck hadn’t asked, but Eddie hadn’t expected him to. It certainly didn’t mean he didn’t care, considering he completely sacrificed his well-being to protect Christopher. He was just strung out and exhausted. Buck also had to know if something was wrong, their conversation would’ve started a lot differently. Eddie might’ve not even shown up at all. Both of them put Chris above themselves and each other.

“He’s doing okay. He’s with Carla,” Eddie answered. “And he could never hate you, Buck. Just like I couldn’t. You’re his hero.” Chris told him as much. Buck might’ve thought he failed, but the person he saved didn’t.

Eddie doubted his words were enough to ease Buck’s guilt, but they managed to calm him down a little. It was a small win, but a win nevertheless.

Tilting his head down, Eddie pressed a kiss to his hair. “Thank you for not giving up.” Buck had every reason to back down, but he didn’t. Despite having so many obstacles thrown his way, he always persisted. It was something Eddie deeply admired.

“You saved the two people that matter most to me,” Eddie added. Not only had Buck saved Chris, but he’d saved himself too. Eddie wouldn’t look past that. It mattered and after everything Buck went through, it deserved recognition.

After a few sniffles, Buck quietly cleared his throat. “I love you,” he whispered into Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie kissed his head again, holding onto him a bit tighter. “I love you,” he repeated. “You’re going to be okay, Buck. _We_ are going to be okay.”

Recovery wouldn’t happen overnight, but they would get through this. Together. 

“I know.” Buck still sounded so worn out, but he believed in them. Believed in _himself_ , and that was enough.

Careful of Buck’s injuries, Eddie moved so they were lying against the couch. The bed would’ve been a lot comfier, but he’d already forced Buck up the stairs once. He wouldn’t do it again.

The two grew quiet again, but it was comfortable. Safe. Eddie closed his eyes, mindlessly rubbing circles into Buck’s back. Eventually, Buck’s breathing evened out, and a genuine smile reached Eddie’s cheeks.

They’d be okay.


End file.
